


Sad Regret

by seathehorizon



Series: Yoonkook Bingo 2019 [3]
Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Dark, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Mention of blood, Non-graphic violence and murder, Set in the Past, Square: vampires/werewolves, Vampires, Yoongi is a vampire who turned Jungkook, Yoonkook Bingo 2019, yoongi feels guilty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-25 14:54:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22497907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seathehorizon/pseuds/seathehorizon
Summary: Regret was not an uncommon emotion for Yoongi. He regretted getting into trouble in his youth, he regretted that the hatred he had felt for his life had made him seek out vampires and request - plead - to be turned, he regretted small things like stealing a rice cake once when he was little from his sweet, elderly, neighbour and shoving his older brother away when he had attempted to help him. He regretted many of the terrible crimes he had committed as a vampire, the lives he had taken and the people he had hurt, yet one of his greatest regrets was turning Jeongguk.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Min Yoongi | Suga
Series: Yoonkook Bingo 2019 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1618615
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	Sad Regret

**Author's Note:**

> I'm an idiot who didn't realise the [Yoonkook Bingo](https://twitter.com/yoonkookbingo) extension ended on the 20th, NOT the 31st. This was the third fic, for the square: vampires/werewolves. I wrote it while listening to Halsey's You Should Be Sad, so I'd recommend doing the same while reading!

Regret was not an uncommon emotion for Yoongi. He regretted getting into trouble in his youth, he regretted that the hatred he had felt for his life had made him seek out vampires and request - plead - to be turned, he regretted small things like stealing a rice cake once when he was little from his sweet, elderly, neighbour and shoving his older brother away when he had attempted to help him. He regretted many of the terrible crimes he had committed as a vampire, the lives he had taken and the people he had hurt, yet one of his greatest regrets was turning Jeongguk.

He first met him several years ago, when Jeongguk had been only a few weeks shy of twenty-one. He had been pretty and bright, funny and passionate, sweet and pure, and oh so easy to love. And Yoongi had extinguished that light inside of him.

Initially, he had tried to keep his distance. Vampires were feared in the town, after all, and although Yoongi only ever visited the hospital for blood bags and occasionally met up with donors specifically for vampires, he knew some of his clan weren't as kind and took from random villagers without warning. Which meant vampires like him tended to stay away from human interaction, not wanting to cause any further trouble or discomfort.

Jeongguk, however, had been fascinated by him for whatever reason and had always made it a point to greet him if he happened to run into him, smiling even when Yoongi only nodded, grinning when he mumbled a greeting in return. And Yoongi had found that he quite liked those reactions, quite enjoyed making those eyes a little brighter, so he started smiling back. The first time he did so, Jeongguk had seemed rather shocked, the second time he stared at him with his mouth moving like he wanted to speak, and the third time he had squared his shoulders before approaching him to ask his name.

From there, they had met more frequently and Yoongi hadn't taken long to fall in love, hating every second of it because he knew very well a creature like him didn't deserve someone like Jeongguk. Jeongguk's family seemed to think the same, often stopping him from leaving home at night and throwing Yoongi wary glances if they happened to encounter him. Jeongguk was stubborn, though, and insisted on sticking around, insisted again and again that Yoongi was _good_ and the fact that he was so worried proved this. He had been the one to, with a mixture of nerves and bravery, confess to Yoongi, stumbling over his words as he tried to convince him that of course he didn't have to feel the same way, but if he did, couldn't he at least try? For Jeongguk, for them, for himself?

Against his better judgement, Yoongi had agreed, not wanting to live the rest of his immortal life wondering what could have been. And… it had been good. Wonderful, even: Jeongguk did nothing half-heartedly and he had thrown himself into loving Yoongi with all he had to offer, filling Yoongi with a warmth he hadn't felt in such a long time. Yoongi returned every last bit of that in his own way - less blatant yet always present, and when Jeongguk had whispered to him once that he made him feel so loved, he had kissed him till Jeongguk had gasped for breath, a stunned content on his face.

Over time, he had begun to ask Yoongi if he'd ever turn him into a vampire too. "I want to stay with you," he had explained himself. "I don't want to grow old while you remain the same. I don't want to die and leave you behind."

Of course Yoongi wanted those same things, god, he wanted them so badly, but he could only ever turn him down. There was still time, and he- he didn't want to ruin him. He himself had done awful things, but that hadn't just been the vampirism: he had been in a dark place to begin with and hurt people hurt people. He was unfortunately no exception. However, he had seen people getting turned and changing entirely, going from innocent to vicious, and the mere thought of that happening to Jeongguk made him decide to never do that to him.

Then Jeongguk had fallen ill.

Doctors didn't know how to treat him and after hearing the news, he had curled up in Yoongi's arms, trembling, whispering how they didn't think he had long left. "They believe I won't see spring," he had admitted in January, his breath shaky and broken with fear.

And Yoongi had been selfish. Before, he had been able to tell himself Jeongguk would grow old and he couldn't take all those years away from him, but now, with weeks on the line - if that… He couldn't bear the thought of losing him just yet. The thought of Jeongguk's lifeless body beneath the cold ground made him want to claw off his own skin, made him want to destroy the poor doctors who were still trying their hardest. And so, as Jeongguk's skin grew more pallid, his body turning weak, Yoongi finally fulfilled his wish and his own secret desire.

He still loved him. He didn't think that would ever stop, but he missed the soft, sweet Jeongguk he had known in the years before his turning. Sometimes Yoongi considered letting him go, something that would immediately make him feel guilty: he had made him this way. Jeongguk had trusted him, loved him, and Yoongi felt responsible for him; how could he possibly distance himself now?

But he- he had changed. Of course he had, it only made sense, but it was difficult to see the Jeongguk he had fallen for, the one he had held in his arms and who would press kisses to his nose. They slept together, and it was good, Jeongguk was always good, he knew how to bring Yoongi pleasure and Yoongi was devoted and determined enough to do the same. They shared a room in the house their clan shared on the edge of town, even though… Even though Jeongguk was rarely there.

The initial bloodthirst was unavoidable, no matter your personality and circumstances beforehand. Usually, it wore off fairly quickly (had Yoongi not turned at such a dark and violent time of his life, he would have quieted down much sooner), but Jeongguk was one of the exceptions. And he had fallen in with the crowd Yoongi had always done his best to avoid, going on raids of nearby towns (Yoongi took some comfort in the fact that Jeongguk refused to attack his old village, despite it being the smallest comfort he could imagine), being loud and cruel - though never to Yoongi. He might at times seem indifferent, but he never outright treated Yoongi badly and he never tried to convince him to join the raids, knowing very well that Yoongi would decline.

Yoongi glared down at the book he had been attempting to read, as though it were somehow at fault for Jeongguk being out again. He could have sought out the company of any of the vampires he actually liked, his _friends_ , who knew of his worries, but he didn't want to hear that he should give Jeongguk up, or try to avoid having anyone say so, which made solitude the safest option. He knew the alternative was to have let Jeongguk pass away and he hated himself for sometimes thinking that that might have been the better option. Selfish, selfish, selfish. What would the human Jeongguk say? (Probably that Yoongi should stop blaming himself, that he still loved him and that he needed to speak to the current Jeongguk (but how could he when he never seemed willing to listen?).)

He already had so much self-loathing in his heart, but this was the one that would physically haunt him for the rest of time and he was sure that if he needed to breathe, it would suffocate him.

Eventually, the sound of doors slamming and people laughing and shouting reached Yoongi's ears. They had returned after what they undoubtedly deemed a successful night, and after recounting their stories and laughing about them some more, Jeongguk would make his way upstairs, clothes dirty and smelling of blood, and he would mumble something about needing to rest, or perhaps needing to touch, without even bothering to clean up apart from taking off his clothes, not caring about the rest until later. Either way, it would end with him turning his back to Yoongi and shutting his eyes, leaving him with another crack in his non-beating heart.

Pursing his lips, Yoongi tried to focus on his book, determined not to let this affect him. It was fine. He was fine. It was his fault anyway: without him, Jeongguk wouldn't have turned out this way (would have been lost to him and the world and often that seemed unfair as well), so what right did he have to be upset? He could, probably should, talk to Jeongguk, but he didn't know how. What if he was already calming down? What if he never did? What if he didn't want to? (The latter was what he was most afraid of and he'd rather stay ignorant for now.)

When he heard footsteps coming down the hallway, he didn't think anything of it: plenty of others lived here, after all. Even when the door opened, he simply assumed it was Namjoon, or Taehyung, or one of his other friends coming to check up on him after having heard Jeongguk come home, though he supposed it was odd they hadn't knocked first.

"Jeongguk…" He stared at how the love of his dead life stepped through the door, closing it behind him. No blood on him today.

Jeongguk didn't speak, simply shrugged off the jacket he had been wearing as he flashed Yoongi a tired smile. He kicked off his pants, his too long shirt falling down his thighs, then climbed onto the bed and tilted himself sideways, his head in Yoongi's lap, his legs pulled up to his chest. "Read to me, hyung," he asked softly, the shine in his large eyes nearly kicking Yoongi's heart into motion again. Oblivious, Jeongguk closed his eyes and gently nudged Yoongi's hand with his head.

Yoongi carefully ran his fingers through Jeongguk's hair, receiving a pleased hum in return. Jeongguk's eyes flickered open as he smiled at him again, with a little more sincerity this time. Yoongi didn't know what had happened, if anything, but once Jeongguk shut his eyes again, after a mumbled "go on, please", Yoongi started to read.

And he started to hope.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/sea_thehorizon). :)


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